Swamp Book Review

 

An excerpt from the novel:

“Why good morning to my divine princess.  I will have… NO NO NO! Not smooth enough!” exclaimed Greg as he stared into his mirror practicing his lines. Preparing to make his move.  

Lilly was a mid twenty something struggling to find her way in the world. After her fiancé was killed by a drunk driver she had become a shell of her former self. With much encouragement, Lilly took a job at a small coffee shop to get herself back out there. And to begin to heal. By all accounts her first few weeks had gone well. Besides a couple strange encounters with customers, Lilly was well liked by her coworkers and slowly began to come out of her shell. 

“Today is the day Big Greg!”

“After weeks of setting her up. It’s time you make your move buddy!”

Greg slathered the Brute cologne on and recited his lines one more time. 

“Hello my future bride. I could give  you my coffee order, but clearly we have a much deeper connection and our souls…” 

“DAMNIT GREG!  Don’t blow this!” 

“One more time. From the top. Hello ma’dam. Your Prince has arrived.” 

Greg slithered into his rusty 1984 Chevy conversation van and motored on to destiny. 

“Just let this shift go fast please Lord!” Mumbled Lilly

“I don’t ask for much. But TODAY I need an easy day.”

It was the one year anniversary of her fiancé’s death. Lilly thought about staying home. But she didn’t want to wallow. So she forced herself to go in. 

“Oh no. Please. Not today!” Said Lilly as she saw the slime ball creep his way in the door. 

Greg swung the door open with all the confidence he could muster. Today he would ask Lilly to marry him. She and Greg had several brief encounters at the coffee shop. Greg could feel the sparks instantly. The shy way Lilly always looked to the floor when Greg talked to her was a dead giveaway that she wanted Greg bad. 

“It’s now or never” thought Greg as he inched towards the counter. 

“H..hello. M…May I take your order?” stammered Lilly, just trying to get the uncomfortableness over with quickly. The strong stench of Ben Gay and cheap cologne made her eyes burn. 

Greg noticed Lilly getting choked up and misty eyed in his mere presence. She was melting in the palm of his hand. Greg knew it was now or never. 

“The signs of the universe all aligned to this moment as to send my fair maiden her mighty Prince! Come m’ lady at once. I shall take you from this place. ”

Lilly froze. She couldn’t believe this gross old man was attempting to kidnap her. She saw the bathroom door was open just to the left of her assailant. Lilly knew she could win a foot race with this morbidity obese senior citizen. She could lock herself in the bathroom and call the police. Lilly gathered all the courage she could and bolted past the sleaze bag before he could move. 

“Where are you going my bride to be?!?!”

Greg noticed Lilly was crying tears of joy as she went to the bathroom to change. He had done it. Greg had won her heart. He gleefully leaned against the counter and waited for Lilly to emerge from the bathroom, probably wearing a sexy outfit. Glorious music played in Greg’s head. He didn’t even hear the sirens or notice the police, guns drawn,  converging on the coffee shop…