Trans Closet

 This is a cause that is near and dear to my heart. I want to share a true story from my childhood. 

The year was 1985. I was 8 years old. I was given a classroom assignment to write a letter to a celebrity. We had to tell them about ourselves, and ask for an autograph. The teacher had a book with names and addresses. It was passed around and each kid picked someone. When it was my turn I instantly knew who I wanted to pick. Johnny. The coolest mofo I’d ever seen. Real name, Ralph Macchio 

The Outsiders movie was an obsession of mine. I wanted to be Johnny so bad. I was super excited to find Ralph’s address in the book. I was going to get Johnny’s autograph!

I carefully wrote out a brilliant letter. I complimented his acting, hell, he was also the Karate Kid! I told Ralph that I really connected with Johnny. Even though it was a different time period depicted in the movie, I explained that I wasn’t a “greaser”, I was a “headbanger”. Apparently that part raised some red flags to my teacher. He was concerned that I was labeling myself a headbanger. He didn’t think I should do that and requested I remove that part from my letter. I was pissed. Here I had a chance to talk to my hero, but I couldn’t tell him I liked heavy metal and denim? It felt unjust. But an 8 year old has no choice in most matters. So I couldn’t tell Johnny I was a headbanger. My teacher was so concerned that he contacted my parents. My mom sat me down and asked me what I thought the term headbanger meant. And told me it carried a negative connotation and to be careful about associating with things I didn’t understand. Fair point. But I knew I was a headbanger at heart. And it was THEM who didn’t understand me! I made a conscious decision. I wouldn’t let them stop me from fulfilling my dream. I knew my parents could tell me what to wear to school, but once I left the house for school, it was my choice. Enter..the T Shirt…

An older friend gave me a Motley Crue shirt

I knew that mom had warned me about the dangers of the headbanger lifestyle. I knew my teacher was upset at my choices. And I knew, in my 8 year old heart, they were wrong. So I hatched a plan. I would sneak the Motley Crue shirt under my regular shirt. Then, once I was safely on the school bus, I would remove my school shirt, and be rocking my headbanger wear. Like Clark Kent changing into Superman, only with a mullet. I didn’t even know who Motley Crue were, really. But I knew what they represented. And I wanted in on that. 

Nothing ever came of my actions. I felt like I was making some important stand, though. I did eventually get a typed out letter from Ralph, with an autograph at the bottom. But it felt empty to me. 

I don’t want another young aspiring headbanger to ever go through what I did. Do not be shamed by your lifestyle choices. Never be afraid to be yourself. 

It’s in this spirit that I’ve partnered with the fine folks at Pontiac Motors to bring you my newest charity. 

 

The Trans Am Closet. 

This will be a safe place at school for child headbangers to get free clothing they feel more comfortable wearing. And it will be secret from their parents. 

We will provide denim jackets and sleeveless band t-shirts 

There will be pamphlets teaching you how to properly roll a joint, how to hot wire a car, and how to pose with a cigarette 

We will teach kids how to defend themselves if members of the football team are trying to drown your friend in a fountain in the park. And how to properly arrange the patches on your battle vest

I have unconfirmed reports that Nikki Sixx will even make guest appearances to give makeup tips

Please join me in supporting the Trans Am Closet. 

Donate all your old t shirts, acid washed jeans, head bands, tube socks, and hairspray to this worthy cause. 

Do not let one more 8 year old suffer the shame of being a closeted headbanger. It’s not fair to them.